YAY! Time to start a new year with new students and new co-workers. Luckily, I still have all my lessons from last year so I can just re-use all of them which gives me more time to dick around when I don’t have classes. Since a lot of people have been asking me (not really) about what I do in my job, maybe I’ll first tell what my job as a Native English Teacher is like.
I teach high school first grade students (just like last year) which is the equivalent to an American 10th grade student. Just think back to what you were like when you were in 10th grade and now think that you’re forced to speak Spanish (or whatever foreign language) with a native speaking teacher for an hour a week. Now, I understand 90-95% of what my students say in Korean but they have no idea about that: Anyways, let’s get started talking shit about my students which is probably the only reason people read this blog:
Apparently, my students were little demon shits last year. I had no idea about any of this as I thought, “oh they’re just regular high school kids” until one of my co-teachers from last year told me that one of his homeroom class boys was arrested and suspended for multiple accounts of theft. Of course that’s nothing compared to American students but by Korean standards, these kids are a nightmare to deal with. Those were last year’s boys. The girls on the other hand were the sweetest, nicest, and most well-behaved girls that I’ve ever worked with.
This year has been different. Most teachers have difficulties working with naughty boys. I think because I’m such a “bro” it’s easy for me to relate with the boys and be cool with them no matter how poorly they behave. However, I have a really bad record when it comes to poorly behaved female students. In my 4 years working with adolescents, I’ve managed to get multiple “Fuck you”s out of psycho female students along with many tears. Needless to say, I’m not very good when it comes to teenage girls and their periods. This year, my boys are angels and my girls are terrorizing demonic cu….s. I don’t know how other teachers do it. Whatever, they’re little girls. I’m a grown ass man. I win.
Something that I’ve noticed about these students is their level of perversion (boys and girls). My computer’s been having problems lately so whenever I show a video, it lags a bit and gets blurred like old school TV adult channels (channel 99 you know what I mean). Apparently, they still have these in Korea because every time I turn on a video and it starts doing that,
Student 1: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 야동 (porn)
Student 2: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Teacher, I saw last night.
Student 3: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 딸딸리
Of course if I laugh, then my secret of my Korean ability would be revealed so I have to try my best not to make any expressions.
In my next class, I have a psycho male student that comes up to me in the beginning of every class and says, “Teacher so handsome. Teacher muscle good” and tries to start feeling up my arms. Koreans are very homophobic so another student goes, “Teacher, him gay” and the first student says, “I’m crazy and gay. I’m crazy gay. Yap” to which I respond, “Good for you!” Anyways, I’m having the students play an English speaking game and I make them come up with an English team name. Unsurprisingly, the psycho kid raises his hand and yells out, “Teacher, we are team Redtube!” and all the students start giggling.
These kids are so damn perverted it’s crazy. Last week I did a lesson to get kids thinking about their future careers. I told them to be creative about it so I provided them with a few examples, gangster, terrorist, homeless, etc. One girl said that her dream job was to be an invisible thief.
Me: What? Why?
Girl: Boys locker rooms!
Me: ?!?!
Girl: To steal money!
Me: Oh… okay….
Girl: and see boys undressing
Co-teacher: Two birds with one stone.
And the best one that I’ve heard,
Male student: When I grow up, I want to be a porn actor.
I’ll stop right here.
fungyopo 