NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT.
Also not a post about Korean schools.
“Do you ever wish you were white?” Probably a very common question among minority groups in America. Why? Because, let’s face it; in most cases, it’s easier to be white in America and this always makes us minorities ponder:
“I wonder if people would take me more seriously if I were white?”
“If I were white, would the police have stopped me for driving too slow?”
Even Asians, “the model minority”, have to deal with having embarrassing and overbearing Asian parents that speak little to no English causing them to often think, “Damn if only I were white…”
Growing up in the 90s as a Korean-American in the suburbs surrounding LA, I didn’t experience too much intense racism but there are always subtle occurrences of racism that every minority will face. Even in the year 2013, I hear racist remarks every once in awhile. I usually don’t get too offended but it sometimes makes me go WTF? Below are a few of my favorite racist remarks I’ve heard from throughout my life:
Asshole: So where are you from?
Me: I’m from around here dude, where you from?
Asshole: Wait, no stupid. Are you Chinese or Japanese?
Different Asshole: DO YOU SPEAK ENGRISH?
*While hiking in Korea*
Me: Excuse me, do you know how much farther it is to the top?
Dumb American Girl: *slowly* Very close.
Me: Well you’re coming down from there right now, right? How long did it take you to get there from here?
DAG: WOW! Your English is so good!
Me: Ummmm… Yeah, I’m American…
DAG: Wow, where did you learn English?
Me: Umm. In LA, I was born and raised there…
DAG: Good for you. Your English is amazing!
Me: Yeah because I’m…. Never mind. How much fucking farther to the top??
Dumbass: Hey, so are you related to Jackie Chan? (or any other Asian celebrity)
*After killing a fly with my hands*
Student: OMG IT’S MR. MIYAGI!!
I never actually wanted to be white but I have always wondered what it’d feel like if people didn’t have these pre-conceived opinions of me upon seeing my chinky eyes. As a Korean-American living in Korea, I can’t help but think, “Damn, so this is what white people feel like in America.” It’s a wonderful and glorious feeling that satisfies my wildest adolescent curiosities. Although my Korean isn’t the best, people would never ask me, “HELLO, DO YOU SPEAK KOREAN?” when inquiring for help because I look like the other 50 million people living in South Korea.
It’s not the exact same thing as being white in America but I think we can all agree that it’s pretty damn close. This makes me contemplate my next course of action. Do I want to avenge 25 years of racism with more unjustified racism against the unsuspecting foreign English teachers and military currently living abroad in Korea or should I be the bigger man and let it go? How would it even go if I were to be just a total racist dickhead?
Me: 한 국 말 이 새 끼 야!! 니 할 수 있 나 ??
Unsuspecting foreigner: What?
Me: KOREAN MOTHA FUCKA!! DO YOU SPEAK IT??
I could also totally start shit with a bunch of foreigners and when the Koreans gather around with their cell phones to record the scene on video, pick out the Korean that’d looks like they’d most likely have a black belt in Taekwondo and mistranslate for him, “Dude, that Brad Pitt looking mother fucker just called you gay, man. What you gonna do?” (Koreans are very homophobic)
For now, I think I’ll just be passive-aggressive about it and let it build up. When it finally comes out and I kill somebody in a hate crime, it’ll be alright because seriously, it’s like being a white guy in America.
fungyopo 